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Jerk Appeal: A Woman’s Take On A Classic Flaw

Why do women fall for jerks?

It’s a question as old as time that ties in with the good ol’ saying “nice guys finish last.” Have we really taken out the time to find out why this is true? From what I’ve found much of it has to do with the chase. There’s a certain appeal that comes with being unattainable. Does the answer lie in the broken promises? Or maybe the high expectations that are kept so dearly?

The fact is, there isn’t a simple understanding for why women become infatuated with the chase but then pout when the “relationship” doesn’t work out favorably.  The elephant in the room, stares every woman in the eye in those desperate moments in between stalking Facebook pages and peeping through text messages while he’s in the shower. At that precise moment the bad boy persona no longer seems appealing, the hot and bothered feeling once felt is now replaced with irritation and insecurity.

The Hype Girls

Askmen.com provides huge clarity on why men choose to whip out the “Jerk Appeal,” it all comes down to three simple reasons. The first reason is humorous yet valid, some men are just born to play the part. Yes, it’s true “genetics and a negative social environment” will produce a “Grade A” jerk. It all goes back to preschool with sharing, those who don’t share their crayons and play well with others may grow up to be those flawed individuals.The second reason is due to failed relationships, that jerk was once a sweet guy who came across a maneater who broke his itsy bitsy heart, hence why he now runs wild breaking the hearts of “unsuspecting” women.

The third reason is one that AskMen.com declares is the main reason why your heart belongs to someone who is a certified jerk. Your guy has low self-esteem, he uses his bad personality as a shield  in which he hides his insecurities behind. His ego seems to be fueled by his high confidence but here is where the misleading begins, the confidence he flaunts so proudly is faked and the bad boy demeanor is only in hopes that he will not be challenged.  The challenge he runs from is the actual emotion that comes from making an intimate connection with another, this challenge leaves him exposed and at risk of being rejected just like the millions of others who fall daily.

Now that all of our bases are covered, lets answer our initial question. Why do women fall for jerks?

Women have the need to nurture. Motherhood isn’t where this begins.  Women crave the satisfaction that comes along with fixing others problems. This one fact can help in starting to piece together the answer to this question. When a woman first encounters a jerk, she is compelled to break through the hard exterior and find the sweet gooey center. She becomes willed by the need to find a diagnosis and a treatment plan for the jerk in question. In turn when she “heals” him, she momentarily heals herself by giving and finding a new reason for being, meanwhile feeling like she is “good enough” to be with him. This doesn’t make her a hero; this need often reflects the woman’s own insecurity and broken view of herself.  Her self-esteem is also in turmoil which is why she feels she sees the guy for his true self. All of these factors just lead her into a self inflicting cycle of hurt. She doesn’t appreciate herself enough to know that in saving him she is neglecting her own issues, because of this she continues to time after time go after the wrong guy.

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Macielle Betances

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